“So are you hiding stuff?”
“I need a little time,” I said. “But I won’t leave you wondering forever.”
He nodded.
Not happily.
But he nodded.
And now I had no excuse not to act.
“But I won’t leave you wondering forever.”
***
An old class photo in the program had his first name beneath it. After several wrong profiles, I found him.
I sent one message.
“My name is Elizabeth. I’m Teagan’s mother. I need to speak with you.”
His reply came two hours later.
“Lucas?”
One word.
He knew the name.
“I’m Teagan’s mother. I need to speak with you.”
***
We met the next morning.
He was already seated, turning his coffee cup in small circles just as he had at my kitchen table ten years earlier.
“You knew his name,” I said.
“Teagan told me.”
“Then you knew about him.”
“Teagan told me.”
“Yes.”
“Why didn’t you come?”
“I did.”
I stared at him.
“I came to the hospital.”
Trudy’s words rushed back.
“Why didn’t you come?”
“You were there.”
He nodded.
“My parents wanted me to stay away. They thought a baby would ruin everything I’d planned.”
“And what did you think?”
“I was scared. I loved Teagan, but I let everybody else tell me what my life should be.”
“That explains eighteen, not ten years.”
“You were there.”
He looked down.
“Teagan told me not to come back until I was willing to choose for myself. I finally did.”
“After she died.”
“I didn’t know she was dead when I left home.”
“But you found out at the hospital?”
“I didn’t know she was dead when I left home.”
“Yes.”
“And you saw me carrying Lucas.”
He wiped his face.
“I panicked.”
“What about the next day?”
Silence.
“I panicked.”
“The next week?”
He couldn’t look at me.
“The next year?”
“You weren’t eighteen for ten years.”
“I kept telling myself I’d waited too long.”
“The next year?”
“And every year made that excuse easier.”
“Yes.”
I believed him. It didn’t excuse him.
